Dealing with "Difference"

I Am a United Methodist

I am a double United Methodist "Preacher's Kid". I sat with my sisters and listened to my Mother read us Bible stories throughout my childhood. I loved to look through and then read the stories from that beloved blue-backed Bible story book myself. 

I grew up in the church.  

A wonderful little white haired lady sat with six-year old me at Antioch Methodist in the early fifties and pointed to the words as we sang "When the Roll Is Called Up Yonder". Miss Helen Spangler at little Sunnyside Methodist Church's Vacation Bible School about 1957 or so helped me and my fellow little Methodists memorize the names of 66 books of the Bible. I sang as a little boy on the radio program my Daddy sometimes hosted in Griffin, Georgia. Most summers I attended more than one Vacation Bible School -- Midway, Sunnyside, Milstead, Mackville, Antioch, etc. I attended Sunday School and Sunday morning worship with very few exceptions every Sunday for the first 20 years of my life. During much of my growing-up years we had Sunday evening services and Wednesday night services too. 

I loved Camp Glisson, our North Georgia Conference camp ministry of the Methodist Church. I attended Glisson every summer I was eligible and twice one summer. I think I never felt closer to God than at Glisson. It was/is Holy Dirt! Much of my first serious thought about theology was spurred by Rev. Bill Landis, and other leaders at Glisson.

At Asbury College I attended three chapel services every week of school for four years. I managed to pass New Testament Survey, Basic Christian Beliefs, and The Teachings of Jesus classes. 

After Sheila and I married and moved to Rome we joined Trinity. But when we moved to the country it was a long drive to town on a Sunday morning. During my twenties and early thirties I became very lax about church attendance. When we moved back to town, and encouraged by Rev. James Sanders, Sheila and I got more involved again in the early eighties. We joined the choir and have missed very few Sundays since. 

Under Rachel Jones' music ministry I became a frequent soloist and even helped her coach the children's choir for several years. Our daughters were active in the Cherub, Children's, and Youth Choirs as they grew up. They were baptized and eventually confirmed as United Methodist Christians.

Reading (and Listening to) the Whole Thing

During those years I several times started reading the Bible with the intent of reading it from Genesis straight through Revelations. I never got very far.  I soon got bogged down in the repetition and dreary counting of Numbers and the other early books. Despite a lifetime in the church, hundreds of sermons, and a pretty good familiarity with the Bible, I managed to live nearly three-quarters of a century without having read the Book all the way through.

Then a couple of years ago Rev. Joe Palmer challenged our members to read the whole thing. As it turned out I was not able to keep up with Joe's schedule, but using the Bible app on my phone and the very understandable text of the Message version, I stuck with it this time. I even enjoyed it, though all those numbers and begats and stuff like that were still tedious. I actually listened to most of it rather than reading it, and often had to replay a chapter when my mind wandered.

Below, I am going to write about how that experience affected me, but I want first of all to admit that, intellectually, I already knew much that I re-learned from the experience. It's just that actually reading it straight through made my previous learning much more real to me.

Here is the simple but overwhelming lesson I learned more profoundly:

The New Testament is a NEW Testament! Wow!

When you have spent a whole lot of time wading through the law and history of the Old Testament you have been inundated in some awfully vile, despicable, horrible, nightmarish material. By the time you have finished that Old Testament you are wondering whether you really want anything to do with the vengeful, arbitrary, bloodthirstiness you've just read about. Then you turn past Malachi into Matthew and meet Jesus. 

Wow. 

Yes, I've known intellectually that He leads a revolution, but I can fairly taste and feel and hear and smell and see a whole new creation. The Word is made flesh. 

God is Love. 

It says so right there. 

Love God. Love each other.

He commands it. 

Here is a Lord I can admire.

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The Wesley Quadrilateral

John Wesley, founder of the Methodist movement, is interpreted to have taught a "quadrilateral" on which Christian faith rests: Scripture, Tradition, Reason, and Experience. Scripture is primary but is interpreted in light of the other three. 

My reading of scripture is informed by the traditions of the church I grew up in and my experiences with the Christians in my life. Even in talking about God's laws, my Christian examples talked of God's love and his laws as guides for a happier more loving life. I think of the open and loving saints that I learned under: Charles Shaw, Ruth Shaw, Y.A. Bailey, Ieula Baird, Both Grady Shaws, Miss Helen Spangler, Lavay McCullough, Mavis Matthews, Brady Drummond, Miss Lottie Duncan, James Sanders, Miss Annie Beth Terrell, Martha King, Burnita Burton, Leonard Hancock, --- I could go on. Or my grandfather, whom I never met but whose beliefs influenced me through his wife and children. He famously advised a cousin who was entering the ministry, "Don't try to scare folks into the Kingdom; you've got to love 'em into it."

And my reason tells me: folks are folks. We have our varying faults and foibles, talents and troubles, one and all. 

Different

And through my entire life experience I have been aware of some folks who were "different". As long as those "different" folks weren't too outspoken or flamboyant they were an accepted and even beloved part of the community: the women's shop owner who could tell Daddy which dress to buy for Mother -- the exact size, color and style that would compliment her and that she would love. The teenager who grew up in the church and became a wonderful organist, serving his church faithfully year after year, and folks just didn't talk about his "friend". The unmarried ladies who were roommates all those years. That sweet effeminate first cousin that everyone loves but whom we knew would never marry. Every one of us can quickly reel off a dozen names of beloved folks who are "different". 

In the 53 years since I began my teaching career, I have known scores of boys and girls, men and women,  who were "different". Those "different" kids and teachers were the same mixture of good and bad, high achieving and (well), principled and not so much,  etc. etc. etc.  --- as their "normal" counterparts. I love and admire them none the less. I believe Jesus would/will accept them just as they are.

So I no longer much care how another human finds happiness as long as they are loving and no one is hurt.

But in 2022, attitudes toward that issue are at the center of a great controversy in my denomination.

And I am no prophet, but I strongly suspect that, in just a few years, regardless of how the current divisions in my denomination play out, almost all denominations will soften their stances on this issue. Society has moved on. The church will too. As surely as preachers today eat "abominable" shrimp;  as surely as stoning is no longer accepted as a form of child discipline; as surely as textiles are mixed willy-nilly to no one's consternation; as surely as our wives, mothers, and daughters are no longer shunned as "unclean" once a month; as surely as it is perfectly OK for a guy's very private parts to be intact; we'll quit making such a big deal out of sexual orientation.

Will My Congregation Disband?

So here I am. I have found myself on my local congregation's Church Council. A few days ago I was copied on an e-mail from a fellow council member who proposed to begin the procedures that could force a congregational vote to decide whether a portion of our congregation will leave the United Methodist Church, take over our buildings and grounds, and leave those of us who remain United Methodists to find a new church home. Less than a week later that vote was taken. I wrote an open letter to my fellow council members opposing the proposal, but, alas, we lost that vote 9-5. The effort to disband my local United Methodist Church continues.

There is NO question of where I stand on this issue. I vehemently oppose splitting the United Methodist Church. I will not be a part of such a split. If the issue comes to such a vote a super majority of two/thirds of the membership present at the resulting meeting would be required for us to lose our church building and grounds to a new congregation made up of those who wish to split. And I'll say it again, those of us who wish to remain United Methodists would be forced to find a new church home. 

Here is Where I Stand:

I made a pledge to support the United Methodist Church with my prayers, presence, gifts, service, and witness. I have renewed that pledge many times as other persons have made it in my presence. I believe at least a third and possibly a majority of the current membership of our congregation would join me to keep the pledge and oppose a split. On the other hand, I know from long experience that when controversy arises the "angry-antis" are much more likely to show up to meetings that those who are not "het up". So I do not know how the vote would turn out. However I believe the fact of a proposed vote will harden positions on both sides. The vote itself will cause great discord and division that will cripple our ministry however the vote goes. I will do all I can ethically to keep Trinity United Methodist Church on the block where it has been since 1875. If the congregation is disbanded I and any other United Methodists will in effect be excommunicated by the dissidents and be forced to find another congregation of the United Methodist Church. It is heart-breaking.

So I Beg My Trinity Friends

Let's not split the church. Let's live and let live. The folks on the other side of the issue are my friends. They are people I admire. They are people I worship with every week. They are people I sing with in the choir, that I stand with in the nativity scene at Christmastime, that have comforted me in the loss of my parents and a sibling, who have chaperoned youth trips, served on committees, unloaded pumpkins, knelt at the altar with me. Let's not divide our efforts. We agree on so much. Let's not cripple our mission. We can agree to disagree on some issues and keep working together obeying the Great Commandment and pursuing the Great Commission.   Let's just keep working together toward our vision to be... a diverse fellowship striving to welcome, love, and serve all others, following the example of Jesus Christ.

 Here's a sermon that addresses the issues
 dividing us:

Click this picture to hear John Robbin's sermon concerning current divisions
within the United Methodist Church.

Open Letter to Our Church Council

Open Letter to the 

Trinity United Methodist Church Council

Dear Trinity United Methodist Friends,

I have been a part of our denomination since infancy. Both of my parents were ordained and served as pastors in the United Methodist Church. 

Our congregation has been my church home since 1962. Both my father and my mother, a sister, and a brother-in-law have served on the staff at TUMC. My daughters were baptized and eventually confirmed into the United Methodist Church at Trinity. Most Christmases since 1962 I have stood in our Nativity Scene. I have presided over MYF sub-district meetings, attended one sister’s wedding, pitched pumpkins, sung solos, knelt at the altar, given reports, mourned at my Mother’s funeral and my sister’s and at funerals of many friends. 

It is my plan to remain a member of Trinity United Methodist Church the remainder of my life and to someday be remembered in a memorial service in our beautiful sanctuary. 

There is but one way that I can imagine that I will not be a member of Trinity United Methodist Church on the day that I die. That would be if Trinity United Methodist Church ceases to exist.

We have a proposal on the agenda today to begin a process called “disaffiliation”. That is a misnomer, in my opinion. If that effort were to succeed, our congregation would cease to exist and our buildings and grounds would be transferred to a new independent congregation. That group could then choose to become a part of some other denomination or just become another independent church. The United Methodist Cross and Flame would be removed from the current Trinity campus and those of us who remain United Methodists would literally be without a church home. In that case one could not, by definition, be a United Methodist and a member of whatever church would be established on this corner.

I cannot and will not support with my one vote on our church council any effort to do that. Let me try to explain why.

1. Calling a vote would be a mistake in itself.

Passing this proposal is an effort to force a vote intended to disband Trinity United Methodist Church and establish an independent church on these grounds for a subset of our current members. Calling for such a vote is intended to divide us between United Methodists and those who no longer want to be United Methodists. It would be divisive if successful, by definition, of course. But it would be almost equally divisive if unsuccessful. 

Passing this proposal would immediately divide us into two camps, the United Methodists and the anti-United Methodists, and a third group of undecideds/apathetics/quiet folk. There would be concerted efforts to recruit folks from the third group to the other sides. It would go on for several months at least and the final vote would be a contentious and painful exercise.

Now, I hope and believe a vote to disband would fail. There may be a large group that could be brought out  —anyone who has any experience with human nature knows that those who are “het up” show up — but I do not believe that two-thirds of our members want this.

However, if the “antis” were to “win” and constitute a new congregation, the Trinity United Methodist congregation would cease to exist and the former members who remain United Methodists would not be a part of that new church.

In both scenarios, the church that exists at 606 Turner McCall Boulevard in Rome Georgia would be drastically smaller than the one we have known. Not only would future ministries be set back dramatically, but we would have spent months in controversy and discord and our Trinity United Methodist ministries, during the time of debate, would be severely curtailed.

If we as a church council decide not to consider such a disastrous path we will still lose some folks to other denominations. Maybe lots of them. That also breaks my heart. But many of those folks have already left or all-but-left. But those who remain can continue Trinity’s ministry. It may be a smaller ministry. We will be very sad to lose those we lose. But they can go ahead and get involved in their new churches’ ministries right away. And right away Trinity’s ministries can go on. And many who have not been so immersed in the controversy will continue to worship here with their friends of many years, still agreeing on some things and still disagreeing on others, but working together for Christ’s kingdom on earth.

2. I love our connectional church organization.

A non-United Methodist congregation on these grounds would not have the strength, coordination of efforts, missionary structure, wealth of published materials, pastoral resources of the worldwide 12-million member United Methodist Church. When disaster strikes we know that our donations to the UMCOR will be on hand putting that money to work to ease suffering. We know the overhead is paid by our regular church apportionments and that our special donations will go directly into rescue and relief efforts.

We know that we will always have a qualified pastor. While we  through our staff-parish relations committee have a lot of say-so in pastoral appointments, the bishop and cabinet also balance other information to make yearly appointments throughout the North Georgia conference. And Methodist pastors know that the conference has a secure job for them as long as they are faithful. Our pastors have pension, retirement, and insurance benefits. 

Our UMC children’s homes, colleges and universities, mission programs, publishing house… beautiful Camp Glisson where generations have grown closer to God… and much more.

A new congregation would have to operate as an independent church with no connectional assistance or resources, or else join a fledgling new denomination, or one of the other small Methodist denominations. Either way their structure and ministries would be more limited.

John Wesley started Methodist “societies” NOT as democracies. Local churches have discretion in many matters, and through representatives, have influence at other levels. But churches are not and never have been wholly owned by local congregations. 

I joined a church not a pastor. Our pastors serve usually three to eight years then move on to another appointment. I have sometimes had pastors whose sermons did not inspire me. I have known that our church’s ministries would go on and that, probably pretty soon, we’d have a different pastor. That encourages strong lay leadership and a team approach to ministry. If a different denomination or independent church sets up shop on this corner, I do not believe it can produce as strong a program of ministry as we are used to at Trinity United Methodist.

3. The future of the United Methodist Church

The last General Conference voted to maintain a strong prohibition against LBGTQ pastors. It was a close vote, though, and the folk who want to dismantle the United Methodist Church are afraid that our Discipline will soon be changed to allow a more permissive attitude regarding sexual orientation. They may be correct, especially since some of the folks on the winning side of that debate have left United Methodism.

Some are convinced that a practicing homosexual, even one in a committed relationship, should be barred from ordination in our church. Society at large has largely moved beyond that issue. Same-sex marriage is legal and common. Within our church nearly every family includes  at least one person whose sexual orientation is publicly known to be something other than heterosexual. Every person on our church council can likely name a dozen or more LGBTQ men, women, or youth who are associated with our church. For many in our congregation, and our denomination at large, this is no longer an important issue. 

I have always been aware of folks who were "different". If they weren't too outspoken or flamboyant they might be an accepted or even beloved part of the community: the women's shop owner who could tell Daddy which dress to buy for Mother -- the exact size, color and style that would compliment her. The tenor who sang beside me in the choir for years and died of AIDS. My young cousin who grew up in the church and became a wonderful organist, serving his Methodist church faithfully year after year, and folks just didn't talk about his “friend" — now his husband. The unmarried ladies who were ‘roommates’ all those years. That other sweet effeminate cousin that everyone loves but whom we knew would never marry. And some who in the last few years have “come out”. Can’t we all reel off similar stories?

In the 53 years since I began my teaching career, I have known scores of boys and girls, men and women,  who were "different". Those "different" kids and teachers and friends and fellow church members were the same mixture of good and bad, high achieving or lazy, principled and not so much,  etc. etc. etc.  --- as their "normal" counterparts. I love and admire them none the less. I believe Jesus would/will accept them just as they are. So I no longer much care how another human finds happiness as long as they are loving and no one is hurt.

Regardless of how the current divisions in our denomination play out, I believe almost all denominations will eventually soften their stances on this issue. Society, especially young folks, have moved on. The church will too. As surely as preachers today eat "abominable" shrimp;  as surely as stoning is no longer accepted as a form of child discipline; as surely as textiles are mixed willy-nilly to no one's consternation; as surely as our wives, mothers, and daughters are no longer shunned as "unclean" once a month; as surely as it is perfectly OK for a guy's very private parts to be intact; we'll quit making such a big deal out of sexual orientation.

So I ask…

So I ask you my fellow council members: Let’s not split our church over this issue. Let's live and let live. The folks on the other side of the issue are my friends. They are people I admire. They are people I worship with every week. They are people I sing with in the choir, that I stand with in the nativity scene at Christmastime, that have comforted me in the loss of my parents and a sibling, who have chaperoned youth trips, served on committees, unloaded pumpkins, knelt at the altar with me. Let's not divide our efforts. We agree on so much. Let's not cripple our mission. Let's just agree to disagree on this one issue and keep working together for the good that we do agree on. Let's not call forth a literally and purposefully divisive church-wide vote. Let's just keep working together toward our vision to be... a diverse fellowship striving to welcome, love, and serve all others, following the example of Jesus Christ.

-Terrell Shaw 

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Painful note: We lost the vote 5-9 with one council member absent. So we are in for several more months of  discord and controversy and then a vote to decide the very existence my home church. Positions will harden. I dread the discord. 

Second painful note: Please don't bother to point out that our church, like every other human institution, is embroiled in politics sometimes. We are humans. We are sinners on both sides. All we can do is try to live up to our principles and work hard for the right as we see it. We will make mistakes. Churches are, by definition, for very fallible humans.

Why I am a United Methodist

A small hand-carved plaque featuring the
Cross and Flame symbol of the United Methodist Church.

I hesitate to write a post like this. You see, I know what a rank sinner I am. But I also know that I am not alone; all churches are made up, by definition, of sinners!

I grew up in the The Methodist Church, then in the late sixties our denomination joined with the Evangelical United Brethren to become the United Methodist Church. We are a connectional denomination rather than a congregational denomination. At one time there was a United Methodist Church in every county in the United States. Together our large denomination sponsors many worldwide, regional, state, and local missions. I have been a part of this denomination since birth -- both of my parents were United Methodist pastors! -- and I plan to continue to be a United Methodist the rest of my life. 

What a wonderful influence on my life my church has been!

• Of course my parents' sermons and witness were a great influence.

• The Sunday School teachers and Vacation Bible Schools at Antioch and Mackville and Midway and Sunnyside and Watkins Memorial and Trinity taught and inspired me.

• I attended Camp Glisson eight times in seven years as a kid and teen --- Holy Dirt! That great ministry of many decades is the result of strong connectional ties of many congregations working together.

• Sheila and I have belonged to our local congregation, Trinity UMC, for over fifty years now! We have been blessed by a wide variety UMC pastors James Sanders, Scobie Branson, David Naglee, Paul Hanna, George Freeman, David Campbell, Nanci Hicks, and many others.

• Our daughters were baptized here and sang in Cherub, Children's and Youth choirs. They each attended Camp Glisson as well.

• Almost every Christmas eve I spend some reverent time standing quietly in Trinity's nativity scene contemplating Jesus' humble birth and what he has meant to the world, but much more personally to me and mine.

• From its inception our denomination has had a strong social commitment. The early Methodists opposed slavery, accepted women into ministry, and sought to minister to all.

• When disaster strikes anywhere in the world, we know our United Methodist Church, through its wonderful connectional ministries, will be on the scene with relief for suffering people.

You may have heard that in this divisive age even our "united" denomination is divided. It breaks my heart that some, even some that I dearly love, want to break away from our denomination. Some want to move toward a more congregational structure. Some are worried that the denomination will become more inclusive than they want.

I will stay.

If you are without a church home, come visit us. [Especially if you sing tenor!] You will hear strong scripture-based sermons. If you are like me you will be convicted by them and inspired to be a better person. You will hear good music. You will have opportunities to be in mission. And you will be among a very loving group of admitted sinners, seeking to more perfectly love God and each other.
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In this article some other North Georgia Methodists express why they are United Methodists.

Jubilation/The Great Commandment

I have some friends who are concerned that our denomination might be moving away from a Biblical foundation. I suspect my friends are, primarily, thinking of a certain verse in Leviticus. There's a whole lot of Bible after that verse. And there are many "abominations" of that time that few if any still consider such. 

I love barbecue pork and I eat it with great relish and not a bit of guilt. I have eaten rabbit. I love lobster and had a delicious plate of crawdads, over pasta with a great sauce, just last week at Henry's Louisiana Grill. 

Leviticus tells me I am guilty of abomination. 

My reading of the New Testament tells me that God is Love and that I should love God and my neighbors. 

There is no record of Jesus ever mentioning sexual orientation. My experience tells me God gave my friends, relatives, and former students a variety of different sexual natures, and some of all sorts are deeply moral, and some of all sorts are not. 

I am a preacher's kid. I have heard hundreds of sermons. I attended many Sunday school and Bible school sessions as a child. I passed courses in New Testament, Teachings of Jesus, and Basic Christian Beliefs at a very conservative evangelical college. In adulthood I have attended church services almost every Sunday for many decades. Still I had never read all sixty-six books of the Bible straight through till a couple of years ago. It's a chore --- in all my previous attempts I stalled out during all the repetition before I finished Numbers. This time I stuck with it. There are lots of rules and lots of vengeance and, really, a lot of unpleasantness in the Old Testament. But, wow, when I got to Matthew there was a whole new emphasis! Of course I knew that intellectually. But reading the whole thing straight through I was struck anew, and more forcefully than ever, by the revolutionary nature of the gospel Jesus preached in the New Testament. 

You won't find a bunch of "thou-shalt-nots" printed in red in the New Testament. Jesus' red-letter words are just saturated, instead, with love. Jesus did give us two "thou shalts", so basic that they came to be known as the "Great Commandment": Love God with all your heart, soul and mind; and love other people as you love yourself. 

In act two of Tom Key and Harry Chapin's wonderful Cotton Patch Gospel musical tune in at 22:00 to hear "jubilation". Whenever I think of the Great Commandment I think of this song. 

Ooo-wee.

If you have time to listen to the whole musical, here's the first act.

The divisions in our nation, really in our culture, are mighty obvious. And our congregation is not immune to those divisions. Already some congregations have voted to "disaffiliate" from our denomination, and soon there will likely be some more. It breaks my heart. I pray our congregation will not go down that path. I will not be a part of that. I will stick with the group that prioritizes love. I will stick with the group that welcomes all.

Here is what John Wesley said about disagreements in the church:

“No man can choose for or prescribe to another. Everyone must follow the dictates of his own conscience in sympathy and sincerity. He must be fully persuaded in his own mind and then act according to the best light he has. Nor has any creature the power to constrain another to walk by his own rule. God has given no right to any of the children of men to lord it over the conscience of his brethren. Every wise man will allow other the same liberty of thinking which he desires they should allow him… he bears with those who differ with him… ‘Tis certain, as long as we know in part, all men will not see all things alike. It is the unavoidable consequence of the present weakness and shortness of human understanding that we be of several minds, in religion as in common life. Though we may not think alike, may we not love alike? May we not be of one heart though we are not of one mind?” -- John Wesley, founder of Methodism

Gleaning Facebook: North Rome United Methodist Church

 I remember attending youth meetings --- they were called "Sub-District" meetings --- at North Rome United Methodist Church as a teen in the sixties. My buddies David Jones and Nancy Evans attended that church. North Rome has closed and the building is actually for sale. Today I stopped by the Hospitality House thrift store (in the shopping center at Division and Shorter) and noticed this church plate. I snapped a picture, thinking maybe one of my Facebook friends might have a connection at that church and want to stop by the thrift store and pick this up.

Ray Barton
My first cousin Leland Bagwell was pastor there for several years.

George Dean
My now deceased Grandmother used to go to church there 

David Matheny
Worked there in the early 80s with the Youth.

RussandSteph McClanahan
Cool! Btw, read interview with Pat Alger and he mentioned writing his first song at camp in 1962. He didn't list his co-writers though!

Terrell Shaw
RussandSteph McClanahan ours was called’ Who could ask for More?”

Ann Gore
My deceased grandparents were members there.

Paula Dickinson
Looks like that church has nice stained glass windows. I remember subdistrict meetings at Second Ave Methodist. Can’t remember North Rome.

Ellen Henderson Garrard
I remember subdistrict meetings at Trinity. Our Lindale Methodist MYF was pretty small but we enjoyed those meetings.

Terrell Shaw
I actually came over to Trinity for some sort of youth meeting before my Dad was pastor there, but I can't remember what the occasion was. We lived in Ellijay then, which was in the Dalton District NOT the Rome District. ????

Ellen Henderson Garrard
Terrell Shaw we also went to Cedartown one time. Can't recall the others. Trinity stood out because the refreshments one time were saltines and water. Their MYF had donated the remainder of their funds to a worthy cause. We were impressed!

Gleaning Facebook: Lithographic Plan #6

Folks at Second Methodist Church South, in Rome, Georgia, may have ordered plans from the “Church Extension Annual” of 1879. Lithographic Plan #6 strongly resembles our church’s historic sanctuary built in 1886. Here are details from the annual and pictures of two other churches that likely used those plans, which were adaptable to brick or frame.

A church plate for the Ellsworth Kansas Methodist church that was also likely built with the Lithographic Plate #6 plan from the Church Expansion Annual of 1879.

 

Garrison Keillor's "Methodists"

As a double Methodist preacher's kid I imagine Garrison has a a pretty good idea of Minnesota Methodism. Those of my holiness Methodist roots, though, might be a tad more likely to cross that aisle, sing that extra verse, and laugh out loud.

We make fun of Methodists for their blandness, their excessive calm, their fear of giving offense, their lack of speed, and also for their secret fondness for macaroni and cheese.

But nobody sings like them. If you were to ask an audience in New York City, a relatively Methodist-less place, to sing along on the chorus of "Michael Row the Boat Ashore," they will look daggers at you as if you had asked them to strip to their underwear. But if you do this among Methodists, they'd smile and row that boat ashore and up on the beach! And down the road!

Many Methodists are bred from childhood to sing in four-part harmony, a talent that comes from sitting on the lap of someone singing alto or tenor or bass and hearing the harmonic intervals by putting your little head against that person's rib cage.

It's natural for Methodists to sing in harmony. They are too modest to be soloists, too worldly to sing in unison. When you're singing in the key of C and you slide into the A7th and D7th chords, all two hundred of you, it's an emotionally fulfilling moment. By joining in harmony, they somehow promise that they will not forsake each other.

I do believe this: People, these Methodists, who love to sing in four-part harmony are the sort of people you can call up when you're in deep distress.

*If you're dying, they will comfort you.

*If you are lonely, they'll talk to you.

*And if you are hungry, they'll give you tuna salad.

*Methodists believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked to pray out loud.

*Methodists like to sing, except when confronted with a new hymn or a hymn with more than four stanzas.

*Methodists believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital, even if they don't notify them that they are there.

*Methodists usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it is their way of suffering for their sins.

*Methodists believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especially during their stewardship visitation programs or when passing the plate.

Methodists think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while passing the peace.

*Methodists drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.

*Methodists feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.

*Methodists are willing to pay up to one dollar for a meal at the church.

*Methodists still serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color of the season and think that peas in a tuna casserole adds too much color.

*Methodists believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and never take themselves too seriously.

And finally, You know you are a Methodist when:

It's 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service.

You hear something funny during the sermon and smile as loudly as you can.

Donuts are a line item in the church budget, just like coffee.

When you watch a Star Wars movie and they say, "May the Force be with you," you respond, "and also with you."

And lastly, it takes ten minutes to say good - bye !

by Garrison Keillor

Gleaning Facebook: Garrison Keillor on Methodists

Gleaned from a friend's Facebook this bit by Garrison Keillor about us Methodists:

We make fun of Methodists for their blandness, their excessive calm, their fear of giving offense, their lack of speed, and also for their secret fondness for macaroni and cheese.

But nobody sings like them. If you were to ask an audience in New York City a relatively Methodist-less place, to sing along on the chorus of "Michael Row the Boat Ashore," they will look daggers at you as if you had asked them to strip to their underwear. But if you do this among Methodists, they'd smile and row that boat ashore and up on the beach! And down the road!

Many Methodists are bred from childhood to sing in four-part harmony, a talent that comes from sitting on the lap of someone singing alto or tenor or bass and hearing the harmonic intervals by putting your little head against that person's rib cage.

It's natural for Methodists to sing in harmony. We are too modest to be soloists, too worldly to sing in unison. When you're singing in the key of C and you slide into the A7th and D7th chords, all two hundred of you, it’s an emotionally fulfilling moment. By our joining in harmony, we somehow promise that we will not forsake each other.

I do believe this: People, these Methodists, who love to sing in four-part harmony are the sort of people you can call up when you're in deep distress.

•If you're dying, they will comfort you.

•If you are lonely, they'll talk to you.

•And if you are hungry, they'll give you tuna salad.

•Methodists believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked to pray out loud.

•Methodists like to sing, except when confronted with a new hymn or a hymn with more than four stanzas.

•Methodists believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital, even if they don't notify them that they are there.

•Methodists usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it is their way of suffering for their sins.

•Methodists believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especially during their stewardship visitation programs or when passing the plate.

•Methodists think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while passing the peace.

•Methodists drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.

•Methodists feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.

•Methodists are willing to pay up to one dollar for a meal at the church.

•Methodists still serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color of the season and think that peas in a tuna casserole add too much color.

•Methodists believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and never take themselves too seriously.

And finally, you know you are a Methodist when: it's 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service. You hear something funny during the sermon and smile as loudly as you can. Donuts are a line item in the church budget, just like coffee. When you watch a Star Wars movie and they say, "May the Force be with you,” and you respond, "And also with you."

And lastly, it takes ten minutes to say good-bye! Most Sunday's much longer

Copied from David Bevel Jones FB status.