Gleaning Facebook: Lucky Man

Two posts to preserve today regarding that once-a-decade indignity:

This was actually posted second --

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It's days like today I am reminded how grateful I am that a certain beautiful blond agreed to marry her fortunes with mine 45 years ago.

The anesthesiologist said he'd put me in a deep sleep very quickly, but I decided, OK, this time I'm gonna fight it and see if I can stay aware of the indignities about to occur. It's my curiosity. I really would like to see the screen. To watch my innards on the TV. So I made my self super aware. I am stronger than any anesthesia.

I was out cold in a few seconds.

As I came to, seemingly seconds later, the most beautiful woman I know was stroking my arm, leaning in to kiss this old prostrate man occasionally, and laughing with me about the rude noises I'd been encouraged by the nurse to emit. (This part went on a while. I don't know if a bicycle pump was involved in the procedure, or if they just used a full-sized scuba tank to inflate me. It's a wonder I didn't rise to the ceiling like Aunt Marge.)

Anyway that sweet sexy woman at my elbow when I awaked, put up with all I went through last night and today, drove me home while I talked more freely than usual, ensconced me in my easy chair, while she busied herself in our kitchen. In no time she presented me with a breakfast of omelet with spinach, mushrooms, Canadian bacon, and feta topped with salsa and yogurt, (real) buttered toast just the way I like it, grits swimming in real butter, and a cup of perfect coffee.

I am truly a lucky man. I have an unblemished colon and a kind and gorgeous wife. 

Comments

Sam Burnham
That particular recovery room can be a crude, humorous place for sure.

Terrell Shaw
Yes indeed.

Luis Schnitzer Da Silva
I'm with you except for the grits

Nina K Pettis
No problem; I'll take the grits!

Luis Schnitzer Da Silva
Nina K Pettis ugh

Laura L Adams
And THAT is the definition of True Love!

Chris Goodwin
Glad u r cleared.

Helen Keefer
Man! That breakfast sounds almost worth what you had to go through to get it!

Lillian Shaw
gross

Terrell Shaw
Ha! You don't know a fraction...

Michael Joseph Colombo
I did mine without anesthesia last time. It never really hurt except your colon spasms when the probe goes around the bends

Terrell Shaw
They never gave me that choice! Maybe in 2026... if I can hang on that long!

Marion Dobbs
I did my first one without anesthesia. It wasn't painful, and it was really interesting. Kind of like a tv special on the working of your innards.

Michael Joseph Colombo
I don't like being put to sleep, unless I'm watching Riverdance

Terrell Shaw
Ha!

Mandy Maloney
I think you are a lovely writer. I so enjoy everything you post. Even this. Which is the first time I've ever smiled at a story about colons.

Terrell Shaw
Well, this makes me right proud, Mandy, --- in a Benjamin Franklin sort of way! (Someone out there will get that.)

David Matheny
It's nice to make Foul Noises and not care one whit.

David Marlin Rains
U da man!

Suanne Bierman Laqueur
"Let us be lovers, we'll marry our fortunes together..."

John Barnett
DECADE?????? WOW! I would love that LOL Every three years for me. I heard there was something else besides the YUCK drink??? I guess I heard wrong LOL

Galen Dale Foster
I am happy all was well my friend. I must tell you this. It was about ten years ago that I had my second procedure and I observed the entire procedure start to finish. I waited and waited to enter twilight land never happened. I have a high pain tolerance and I never said anything until it was over it was very interesting.

Melissa Pyle-Hamilton
At age 56, I have never had one, and I refuse to. Is this stupid? Yes, but I want no garden hose test. I admire those of you who are so brave.

Terrell Shaw
Colon cancer is bad stuff. The procedure is bearable, and makes for great stories and funny Facebook posts. 

David Matheny
You don't feel a thing and you won't care...they give you stuff to put you in La-La Land. I'd recommend EVERYONE have this done, especially when you reach your 50s and especially if you have a family history.

Melissa Pyle-Hamilton

David- I do not have a family history. Neither of my parents ever had a colonoscopy. My Mom never had a Pap smear since I was born in 1960 until she died in 2009. I guess we are stubborn.

Claudia Kennedy

Have had a couple myself. Lost a few pounds with the 'lemon stuff'. Glad you had the royal treatment afterward.

Juretha Mc Millian
Awesome!

Docia Hunt Thaxton
I was awake twice! I like lots of drugs lol

Sandy Doughty
Terry, I went through that procedure ONE TIME without anesthesia or anything so that I could watch the procedure on screen....believe me, you do not want to go there!!

David Marlin Rains
I found love on a colonoscopy... er, two-way street 

Ralph Davis
Congratulations Terrell
All was going well with your relating your day "until" you said you talked more freely than usual.
No way man, No Way...
LOL

Rose McDonald Darby
Both are things to be thankful for!

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This was my first post on the topic today ---

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Well a friendly Harbin Clinic Rear-End team tunneled into my (t)rump and did some sight-seeing, ascending, transversing, descending, and sigmoiding to their hearts' content, and declared the view about as pretty as the rest of my topography. No problems. My goal is to live till 2026 so that I can enjoy another night of imbibing that revolting cold lemon-lime glop every few minutes till I want to spew. Yuck!

Yay!

Now back to work stopping the nation's (t)rump from defecating all over the expressed wishes of the 63+ million people who voted to keep the ACA, to protect our environment, to build the middle class, and to fight bigotry. I want even poor folks to have the ability to endure uncomfortable preventative care like I got this morning. I want my diabetic friends to be able to have decent insurance. I want my children to be able to look forward to the Social Security and Medicare that keeps me going in my my old age.

And, while I am slightly freed in my expression by the anesthesia recently administered, let me warn you. As long as I have breath I will fight for an America that is 1) MORE perfect, is 2) JUST, has 3) PEACE at HOME, and is 4) PROTECTED from foreign threat, where the 5) COMMON GOOD is a national goal, and 6) LIBERTY is protected for even the least among us for all time.

Comments:

Suanne Bierman Laqueur I wish the FBI would crawl up Trump's financial butt with a fiber-optic camera....
David Matheny ALL-CLEAR??
Terrell Shaw Yep.
Suanne Bierman Laqueur Did you have a warrior's breakfast after?
Terrell Shaw Ahh... I think I'll put that in another post. I shoulda taken a picture, but OI wolfed it down too fast.
Suanne Bierman Laqueur My husband is like a bear woken from hibernation after his. Ten-egg omelet.
Suanne Bierman Laqueur WE HAVE A BLOCKAGE!
Terrell Shaw Personally clear. Nationally, it is a cancerous blockage.

Suanne Bierman Laqueur "Looks malignant to me, doc…" (Sorry, I kind of ran away with my joke. Glad you're A-OK!)
Melanie Collette Babb Glad everything came out okay.

CeCe Baker So glad everything has checked out okay. As for your continuing efforts, keep up the good work!
Don Henderson Trump was a national enema, he forced out every piece of poop in America.

Martha Waters Glad to hear that "all" is well.

Ralph Noble Video at 11:00??
Rita Lawler So you have space for a nice thanksgiving
Laurie Craw Glad to hear it and keep on keeping on.
Anita Stewart Glad it turned out OK. When you reach my age, you can decide whether or not to have another "hinny scope".

Melissa Pyle-Hamilton So thankful everything turned out fine. A prayer answered.
David Matheny Go Get 'Em, Tiger!!
John Barnett I've got to do that in the next couple of months. I am going to try to wait until after New Years. I have to have that done every 3 years YUK!

Ruth Pinson Glad it turned out well.

Docia Hunt Thaxton I'm supposed to go every three years because my Dad had colon cancer but I cheated this year and had the DNA. That bought me two years before the periscope! As you say the prep is the worst part lol! Glad you got a "clean" bill of health!

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