The Official List
- For Sheila
- For Brannon
- For Lillian
- For Mama
- For Daddy and the others who have gone before us.
- For my brother and my five sisters
- For a job I love and that pays the bills
- For a warm bed and a comfortable home
- For my country and its Bill of Rights
- For a warm, affirming, church family
- For the fourth chapter of First John
- For loyal friends
- For song
The Other List
- For toilet paper
(What percentage of humans in history have had such a luxury?) - And while we're at it, for indoor flush toilets.
(I have walked a path at night, indoor flush is preferable.) - For opposable thumbs
(Without them, no Lord of the Rings or 23rd Psalm... or Sweet Potato Soufflé, for that matter.) - For persistence of vision
(OK, this theory has been debunked, but I'm thankful for persistence of conciousness or whatever it is about us that allows us to perceive the present and connect it to the past and even envision a future.) - For iPod
(All my music in a package smaller than a cigarette pack, for heavens sake!) - For ice cream (Only we twentieth and twenty-first century folks get to eat this delicacy regularly, though Dolley Madison served it at James' inauguration. I'll bet James never had a dish of Jamocha Almond Fudge or
Moose Tracks.) - For the world's most elegant computer, the iMac.
- For all of the events major and minor, incidental and purposeful, of history from the beginning of time that resulted in the coincidence of sperm and egg that produced
me. (Selfish, I know, but basic.) - For sex. (Where did the Lord come up with that idea?!)
- For Thomas Edison (and Henry Ford, Steve Wozniak, and all those other guys) who came up with ways to make me more enlightened (after a fashion) than the great Kings, Philosophers,
Heroes, and Conquerors of the past. - For the wonderful interaction of a mixture of gases with the flora and fauna and soil and copious amounts of liquid water and sunlight on our
beautiful blue marble that allows this grand but isolated oasis to support me and mine. - For family days and dinners with Mama's Yeast Rolls, spiral-sliced ham and a huge turkey, mashed potatoes and Mama's Wonderful Dressing, Carol's Famous Apple Pie, Mama's Marinated Carrots, and, yes my friends, Sweet Potato Soufflé. Yes, I said, Sweet Potato Soufflé. That's Sweet Potato Soufflé. And Southern Pecan Pie. And delicious Banana Pudding. (Do think Mary Winkler would like Sweet Potato Souffle? Or Crawford Loritts? Do Sunnis, Shites, and Kurds eat Sweet Potato Souffle? Is this dish the attraction to all those illegal Mexican immigrants? Will a huge fence from the mouth of the Rio Grande to the Pacific keep out those determined to have Sweet Potato Souffle? Can I sink any lower in my quest for Sitemeter hits? As I've said, I don't even like Sweet Potato Souffle, and I'm tired of reading about Mary Winkler, bless her heart! And what, after all, does the best Scrabble play ever recorded add up to? Scrabble's "Don Larsen" is Michael Cresta, a carpenter.)
- For the wonderful laughter that follows lines like these:
"...cows have many."
"...there goes a chicken!'
"...boom, boom!"
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