Five Questions for the Lord

A First Interview with the Lord
On Arriving in Heaven

OK, Lord, you know what a shock this is to me. You really must be Love to allow a rank wretch like me up here. So I gotta catch my breath before I ask the first question...

Here goes Lord...

1. The platypus - it was your little joke, right?

2. Mosquitoes, cooties, fire ants, ...Republicans, for Heaven’s sake?

3. Time? What the heck is it? How do I comprehend this new existence without it?

4. Women? Lord, Mama is one. I have five sisters and two sisters-in-law. I married one. We have two daughters. I have spent 27 years working in elementary schools. And I still don’t understand women. I’ve been told, “We’ll understand it all by and by.” Well, isn’t this “by and by”? Could you take an age or two and just go ahead and explain?

5. Finally, Lord, Sex. Is it another little joke, Lord? I’m not complaining -- you KNOW I’m not complaining -- but why in creation did you make so-o-o-o-o absolutely ridiculous a behavior so central to our psychology and essential to our survival? Couldn’t things have worked out better for humanity if such ecstasy were brought on by, say, truth, beauty, good works, cleanliness, punctuality, mercy, really good music, or even neat underwear drawers?

Thank you Lord for taking the time -- well, whatever you’ve taken here -- to listen to my questions. I’ve got a bunch more, but at orientation they said we had to keep it to five for now.

Oh, uh, Lord, ...I wonder, ...uh, could I maybe ask, ...uh, just a follow up to number 5 -- what are your policies on being -- you know, just occasionally, ...uh, a little ridiculous up here?

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(I found this meme on my sister's blog, Daddy's Roses. I hope my light-hearted response offends noone. I did a semi-serious one... but it soon turned silly and I just couldn't help myself! The Devil made me do it?)